All in the Stars

It was a lonely night. I got thinking about the stars, the moon and all the planets that our country associates with, especially when we are getting married. I remembered the time when mum rejected tens of proposals that came my way because my stars didn't match.

Akshay and my stars matched like none other. My mum was excited. He was living in the U.S., was making good money, had a well-to-do family - it was like a dream come true for her. Even though my gut refused to agree with all the perfect things, I decided to go along and said yes.

We had a few hic-ups initially. But then, all marriages are like that. I thought our stars said that we would be a perfect match, and so I adjusted with all his habits. I was particularly annoyed with the fact that he discussed everything with his mother. My mum said that it was a good trait. He was a family person and would always keep me happy. Mothers were suppose to be right always; I tried to take that by my stride.

Within a few months I started to feel claustrophobic. Mum consulted a pandit and he said things will become better once we had children. Wasn't that the purpose of marriage anyway? I discussed kids with Akshay and he was ready right away. Purna was born within a year. I felt complete.

Seeing me happy with her, mum's belief in stars was reinstated. Everything had worked out perfectly with us. My loneliness was not visible to her naked eye, but I didn't tell her that.

It was my upbringing I guess. We were not suppose to discuss what made us sad. We were suppose to adjust and compromise and be happy with whatever we had. Being selfish was against our culture. Women had to bring up their families and give love to everyone around them.

That night I thought about myself. Purna had left home to pursue her graduation. She would now come only on festivals. I had absolutely nothing to look forward to. I cooked and cleaned and occasionally made love to a man I never loved. What was the purpose of my life - I wanted to ask the astrologer who had matched my kundali with Akshay.

Mother called me a few days later saying that the astrolger told her that something amazing was going to happen in my life. I didn't want to believe it because nothing he had said worked out for me before this. A month later, Akshay had a sudden heart attack and he died on the spot.

Mum cursed the astrologer and swore never to go back to him. For me, I stepped out of the house for the first time and started working as a teacher. I found freedom and great joy in doing what I was doing.

That astrolger was right this time, something amazing did happen in my life.

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