The Funny Restaurant

There was a lot of hype around the new restaurant that had opened in the city. Apparently it had taken sarcasm to another level but customers seem to have been enjoying that.

Basically it had truth written all over its menu and people admired that. Plus, the taste and level of service was impeccable which had added to its quick success.

I was quite curious to see what the fuss was about. So I asked my colleague Vanita to join me so that we can go there and critique away to glory for our magazine.

As we entered, ‘hookup.com’ and ‘babytalk.com’ marked clear distinction between seating sections for singles and families, respectively. The waitresses were dressed as nurses or policemen depending on the kind of menu you wanted – high calorie or diet conscious that is. There was a weighing scale – don’t be guilty later - in the centre in case you were inclined to be served by the nurses on that particular day.

They didn’t have food items listed as appetisers or main course, it was all about ‘Are you a bore?’ or ‘I’m feeling adventurous’. Fries, nuggets, fried rice, butter chicken were all listed under the first section. With Le Pain Perdu and Char Kway Teow, ‘I’m feeling adventurous’ section left me with a loss of words.

I thought a few things were just a little over the top. The atmosphere was quirky, but why were people raving so much about it?

I ordered a hot chocolate from ‘Are you a bore’ section. The nurse looked at me and just smiled. I had no idea what it meant. I would be damned if she thought I was over-weight and should have called the police gal instead.

When my order arrived, I found it extremely sweet. ‘So, the place is nowhere close to what I’ve heard about it,’ I thought.

The nurse took the glass from me and came back with a bigger, better version of the beverage. On asking she explained, ‘It seemed miss, that the sugar wasn’t more like you thought it was. The milk was less and so we thought of upgrading your drink with a bigger version. Cheers.’

Impressed, I gave it the five stars and a huge smiley.

The Routine

We shifted to Jamunagar soon after our wedding day. The in-law's place had only two bedrooms, and there were six of us. Thankfully, Arun explained the situation to his parents and we moved out within a few weeks.

Our new home was beautiful. It was on the last floor of a three-storey apartment building. Our society had six such buildings with a small park in the middle of it all.

Every morning, men and women walked in that park. Older people came at around 5:30 - 6 and young parents walked around after 7:30, when the school buses had just left. Even after 9, grand-parents would sit around laughing and discussing politics.

I watched them all from my bedroom window. I had given my own names to the ladies - The jeans wali madam, the saree-clad didi, the specs wali woman, and the round bindi aunty. Of all the people I saw in the mornings, it was the round bindi aunty whom I found most fascinating.

She came at exact 8:45 a.m. every single day. I knew because that is the time Arun left for work and I use to get free from the house-hold chores. That was my time to breathe after a hectic morning. I use to sit by the window with my cup of tea and stare at her endlessly.

It seemed to me that she use to go elsewhere for her walk because at that time she only sat on the pavement bench looking constantly at the society gate. It was her favorite spot and nobody dared to sit there. Ever.

I loved the way she dressed up so early in the morning. Her red saree, which was sort of a uniform, was always neatly draped. She wore a thin gold chain in her neck. The round bindi on her forehead was almost the size of a 50-paisa coin. I just loved the fact that it was at the exact same place everyday - just like her.

It was our first Sunday in this new house when the doorbell rang quite early in the morning. The guard asked us to join the members of the soceity for a special ceremony that they were having for an elderly resident who had lost his family recently. Aparently, his son died in a car accident and his wife could not take the trauma. It was a sad time for him and the soceity wanted to show full support.

As I was getting ready, I saw the round bindi aunty sitting on her spot. I called Arun to tell him her routine. From our window, I discreetly pointed out the lady to him so that no one in the society would see me.

Even after much explanation, he could not place her. I later realised that the round bindi aunty was still waiting for her son and I was her only witness.

Talking about our Son

To My Husband,

I am writing this after watching the story of one Nirbhaya of our country. When I saw this documentary today, I wanted to tell our son that he should never show us his face again. But then, whom are we kidding? It was probably us who raised him that way.

Do you remember that night when you came home from office and I had cooked okra? You never liked it. You threw your plate away and told me to prepare fresh sabzi for you. I should have known that our son was watching and he will learn to do the same.

When Sanjana, our neighbour’s daughter came to our house to play, we told our son that she was a girl and she would do household chores when she grows up. We told our son that he can be the doctor and she can be a cook. We told him that it was not a good habit for people to stay out of the house till late. This was more for apt for girls. Girls were indeed like precious flowers who needed protection.

I always told him that he was strong because he was a boy. I told him he should not beat girls because they were delicate. But when he saw you beat me, he totally misunderstood the concept it seems. He thought that it was for men to tell women what to do and what to avoid. He thought they were not only delicate physically but also frail mentally.

I left you and he always blamed me for our fights. He thought I was rebelling against culture and traditions and that women should not be disobedient. I never explained to him because I didn’t want him to go against his own father. I thought that by doing so I was teaching him how to respect his elders. It was all my fault.

Really, I should have known that it was all my doing. When he was going to study Law, you told him to get the best grades and become a successful lawyer. We never taught him about morals and values and right and wrong, we only talked about success. He did as he was told. He found the most talked about case and took the limelight.

But he supported the rapists. Not only that, he talked badly about women and what they should and shouldn’t do. I cringed when I saw him on Television. I felt awful that he was my blood. I felt terrible for the parents whom he was fighting against.

I know it was our fault. But how did we know this will happen? I raised him to the best of my ability but forgot to mention a few things. I wish there was a book on parenting which I could hand over to all future parents so that they don’t raise such sons.

I really wish we could do it all over again…

Your Wife.

 

This is a piece of fiction. Any resemblance to living or dead is purely coincidental.
Image source: here

All in the Stars

It was a lonely night. I got thinking about the stars, the moon and all the planets that our country associates with, especially when we are getting married. I remembered the time when mum rejected tens of proposals that came my way because my stars didn't match.

Akshay and my stars matched like none other. My mum was excited. He was living in the U.S., was making good money, had a well-to-do family - it was like a dream come true for her. Even though my gut refused to agree with all the perfect things, I decided to go along and said yes.

We had a few hic-ups initially. But then, all marriages are like that. I thought our stars said that we would be a perfect match, and so I adjusted with all his habits. I was particularly annoyed with the fact that he discussed everything with his mother. My mum said that it was a good trait. He was a family person and would always keep me happy. Mothers were suppose to be right always; I tried to take that by my stride.

Within a few months I started to feel claustrophobic. Mum consulted a pandit and he said things will become better once we had children. Wasn't that the purpose of marriage anyway? I discussed kids with Akshay and he was ready right away. Purna was born within a year. I felt complete.

Seeing me happy with her, mum's belief in stars was reinstated. Everything had worked out perfectly with us. My loneliness was not visible to her naked eye, but I didn't tell her that.

It was my upbringing I guess. We were not suppose to discuss what made us sad. We were suppose to adjust and compromise and be happy with whatever we had. Being selfish was against our culture. Women had to bring up their families and give love to everyone around them.

That night I thought about myself. Purna had left home to pursue her graduation. She would now come only on festivals. I had absolutely nothing to look forward to. I cooked and cleaned and occasionally made love to a man I never loved. What was the purpose of my life - I wanted to ask the astrologer who had matched my kundali with Akshay.

Mother called me a few days later saying that the astrolger told her that something amazing was going to happen in my life. I didn't want to believe it because nothing he had said worked out for me before this. A month later, Akshay had a sudden heart attack and he died on the spot.

Mum cursed the astrologer and swore never to go back to him. For me, I stepped out of the house for the first time and started working as a teacher. I found freedom and great joy in doing what I was doing.

That astrolger was right this time, something amazing did happen in my life.

Image source: here

#WontGiveItBack

They say they’ve lost a lot of matches

They’ve made very few runs, dropped a lot of catches.

The God isn’t there, the veterans are gone

They’ll lose the cup, will be hard to hold on.

 

But Dhoni is a cool captain

He won’t let his efforts go in vain.

With the likes of Kohli and Mohit Sharma

I am sure there will be some thrill in the whole drama!

 

And so I look forward to the World Cup

That’s what I’ve always done, that’s how I’ve grown up.

These guys rise to the challenge, they have a good track

I’m rooting for them, we absolutely #WontGiveItBack!!

 

 

 

Contradictions

 

They plant trees

But no one sits in its shade

They smile a lot

But it’s all a charade

 

They say they love

But it seems so fake

They make relationships

But time is too hard to forsake.

 

They say a lot

But do they believe?

They say they will try

But then, why do they deceive?

She Never Gave Up

I passed her house every day on my way to the bus stop. She sat in the veranda, always knitting something or the other. Occasionally, she would look up and smile at the people passing by. Sometimes I saw her walking around and climbing the two tiny steps into her home.

I never understood why it took her more than a second to climb those steps. I would walk from the Banyan tree which was almost a 50 feet away from her house, I would stroll ahead of the veranda towards my stop, and stand there looking at her but she would have climbed only one by then. Looking at her I knew that I never wanted to be a frail 80-year old.

I would sit on the bus and stare at her empty life. What was her story? Where was everyone who once lived in that house? Was she always that alone? Was she a robust woman in her youth? Several questions wandered in my head every day when I saw her, yet I never had the courage to go to her and ask.

One day, as I was crossing the same path, she smiled at me and gestured like she wanted to talk. I was scared, but the curious girl in me wanted to go as well.

"You are early today. The bus will come after twenty minutes, honey."

"Yes, aunty. I forgot my watch at home. Guess I will wait."

"You can keep your school bag on the chair and wait here if you want."

"Umm. Ok. Can I help you with something?"

"Oh, aren't you sweet. I am absolutely fine, honey."

"What are you knitting?"

"It is a scarf for my grand-daughter. She is getting married next week. They will all come tomorrow from the U.S. and the festivities will begin."

"That's good to hear. Can I see the scarf?"

When I saw that scarf, I got to know everything I needed to know about the lady. On one corner of this beautiful masterpiece were these words which said much more than she could tell. It said - She never gave up.

Image source - here